It’s shaping up to be a big year for British comedian Ricky Gervais, who will host the Golden Globe Awards in January and will have an animated series for HBO created from his popular podcasts with Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington.
Here he is singing about the joys of the letter “N” to Elmo on a recent segment of “Seseme Street.”
In this outtake, Gervais mentions another word that starts with “n” (necrophilia … a word you don’t hear too often on educational programs for kids).
I tend to leave criticism of the local media to those who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
Today, I’ll make an exception, just because this incident (which I’ll have to be vague about) is sticking in my craw:
“Hey, BB*. If you’re going to cover a story, have the courtesy to show up on time or hang around for a while afterward to talk to people so you don’t DISRUPT THE VERY THING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE COVERING!”
I have seen some rude behavior in my 10 years or so in this biz but, holy cow, this took the cake.
One might think that the fact that BB was getting the stink eye from half a dozen directions might have phased this person, but you’d be wrong. It was like a bull in a china shop, if the bull were fully aware of but disinterested in the havoc it was causing.
TL** was also there and said that BB is infamous for that sort of thing.
Cattle prod, electric, stat!
* BB may or may not stand for Big Butt.
** TL doesn’t stand for anything. They’re just the first two letters that came to mind.
I just e-mailed the following to MGA Entertainment, which manufactures the Bratz dolls …
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing in regards to one of your toys: Bratz Babyz Lil Dancers. My daughter received one (Cloe, I believe her name was) for Christmas during a gift exchange at her daycare center.
While I could easily question you about the necessity of taking a cute little doll and dressing it up like a low-rent trollop, I am more concerned about the toy’s packaging.
I’m betting that I could tunnel my way into Fort Knox with fewer troubles than it took to remove Cloe from the package.
First, what’s with putting a handle at the top of the package, making it look like you can just lift the top off? After cutting through the multiple plastic tabs holding it in place, I discovered that each one was reinforced by a piece of tape that was nearly impossible to peel back.
Once the lid was pried off, it appeared the doll could simply be lifted out. Alas, this was not the case. I had to use a pair of scissors to cut the thick plastic away from the back, only to discover that Cloe was held in place by her hair via multiple strings tied through the cardboard backing. And once those were removed, I noticed the thick plastic wires binding her feet to the base (it was like some horrible scene out of the movie “Se7en” or one of the “Saw” movies).
The wires around her ankles were the most troublesome, as even my best pair of scissors could not cut through them. I ended up using a knife to cut them off, nearly disemboweling myself in the process. That would not have made for a merry Christmas!
Finally, Cloe was removed and was ready to be enjoyed by my daughter. She was especially excited by the promise that, when turned on, Cloe would dance to music. Only Cloe doesn’t dance. She makes little twitches. I do the same thing when I get over-caffeinated. What a disappointment!
The inclusion of the brush was a nice touch, though. After my daughter’s eyes glazed over after watching Cloe twitch for a few moments, she spent the rest of the evening brushing the doll’s hair.
In conclusion, would you include an industrial strength pair of clippers and a tube of adhesive remover in future products involving your twitching baby hookers line? It would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Scott Meeker
*** Thank you for contacting MGA Entertainment.
We appreciate you bringing to our attention your problem with the packaging of the Bratz dolls. The packaging of our products may seem excessive; however, having a secure package ensures you will not be missing pieces when you purchase our products.
When walking through the toy aisle in many stores, you will see several opened and damaged boxes. We try to prevent our products being damaged on the shelf by providing very secure packaging. I have passed your comments along to our production facility so they can consider ways to make the packaging easier to open while remaining secure on the shelf.
We apologize for any dismay in our product. We have forwarded your complaint to our product analyst so they can consider ways to make our future products better suited for our customer’s needs. We hope that you will continue to enjoy our products and services for many years to come, and we thank you for providing us with feedback regarding your concerns.
The Globe’s music columnist, Jeremiah Tucker, was in the office today to pick up several pieces of mail that had come in response to his recent column about the song “Christmas Shoes”.
The song (which later became a made-for-TV movie starring Rob Lowe) is about a young boy who wants to buy new shoes for his dying mom so she’ll look nice in heaven. When he’s told by a shopkeeper that he doesn’t have enough money, the song’s narrator realizes the true meaning of Christmas and buys the shoes for the boy.
In the column, Jeremiah maintained that the premise of the song — penned by a group called NewSong in 2000 — was that “God killed this kid’s mom just so this bourgeois dink could feel like a saint for tossing the kid a couple bucks.”
The response to the column hasn’t quite reached the level of vitriol he stirred up in 2006 when he named Bob Carlisle’s “Butterfly Kisses” as “The Creepiest Song of All-Time,” but it’s close.
We had received several letters — unsigned, of course — that stated that they were praying for Jeremiah, another that doubted he has an ounce of compassion in his heart, and one woman even clipped his column and sent it back to him because she no longer wanted it.
Personally, I can’t really relate to the song.
When my own mother passed away several years ago, not long before Christmas, buying her a new pair of shoes to impress Jesus would have been an empty gesture considering that she was cremated. I’m also teaching my children not to take money from strangers, even if they do happen to look like Rob Lowe. There are just too many creep-o’s out there.
I had a disagreement with my wife recently about one of my all-time-favorite Christmas movies. The argument mainly centered around her refusal to acknowledge “Die Hard” as a Christmas film.
Think about it, though. What kind of party is going on at the Nakatomi Corporation when a gang of terrorist thieves take over? A Christmas party.
It carries a timeless message of selflessness as NYPD Det. John McClane puts himself at great risk to save his estranged wife and others being held hostage. Heck, what did George Bailey do? Hand out a few bucks at a savings and loan? Let’s see him run barefoot across a room full of broken glass, or tie a fire hose to his waist and jump off a skyscraper as the roof blows.
There are also a number of references to the holiday throughout the film — “Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho” anyone? The movie even closes with Vaughn Monroe’s classic cover of “Let it Snow.”
(There are more arguments for its status as a Christmas movie to be found here … notably one that frames McClane as a Christ figure returning to Earth as his plane lands during the opening of the movie.)
But back to the argument, which I obviously was winning. It spilled over onto our respective Facebook accounts, with each of us posing the question about its status as a Christmas movie. Out of about 20 people, 18 said it was a Christmas movie. I took it as vindication … my wife just took it as a sign that she needs new friends.
But, in the spirit of the holiday season, I’m willing to forgive and move on.
If a little yippie-kai-yay isn’t enough to get you in the Christmas spirit, there are plenty of other movies to catch this week.
* TBS’ annual “24 Hours of ’A Christmas Story” marathon begins at 8 p.m. Christmas Eve and continues till 8 p.m. Christmas night.
* The always reliable Turner Classic Movies doesn’t let us down with this Friday lineup: “Little Women” (1933), 7 a.m.; “A Christmas Carol’ (1938), 9 a.m.; “The Man Who Came To Dinner,” 10:15 a.m.; “Christmas in Connecticut,” 12:15 p.m.; “Little Women” (1949), 2:15 p.m.; “Holiday Affair,” 4:30 p.m.; and “Susan Slept Here,” 6 p.m.
* The Lifetime Movie Network has scheduled a whole day of cheesy (in a nice way) Christmas movies, 8 a.m. Friday-6 a.m. Saturday. Highlights include “Call Me Claus,” from 2001, with Whoopi Goldberg.
* A “Home Alone” marathon airs continuously until 6 a.m. Saturday on Fox Movie Channel.
* ”Bad Santa” — good movie. It’s running from 9 a.m.-3 a.m. on Spike.
* “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” Just one good line from “Elf,” airing at 8 and 9:30 p.m. Friday on USA.
Also, if you’ve ever wondered what “Die Hard” would have looked like if it had been made in 1924, look no further …
Time for another top 10 list, rendered somewhat meaningless because Joplin is the armpit of the theatrical-release world. (The list of movies I want to see but that didn’t play here is as long as the list below.)
But, of what I did see, here are my favorite movies of 2009.
Runners-up: “Drag Me to Hell,” “Adventureland,” “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” “Funny People,” “Paranormal Activity,” “I Love You, Man,” “The Hangover.”
10. “Avatar”: Overlong and derivative of a dozen other movies, James Cameron’s long-in-development epic is still a wonder to behold. Its best moments find wounded Marine Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) awed by the wonders found on Pandora, and the bar-raising 3D effects put the audience right there with him.
9. “Taken”: Liam Neeson — action star.
8. “Zombieland”: Just when you think there’s nothing new under the zombie sun comes this quirky comedy that plays by its own set of rules. And those rules include: Beware of bathrooms, and remember to stop and enjoy the little things.
7. “District 9”: Gets an “A” for apartheid allegory and aliens. Newcomer Sharlto Copley’s transformation from goofy government bureaucrat into a mutant operating a crazy mechanized battle suit was a hoot.
6. “Star Trek”: Blowing the dust off of a franchise that had seemingly spent its last photon torpedo, “Lost” mastermind J.J. Abrams did the improbable by perfectly recasting the roles from the original series, injecting an origin story with a shot of adrenaline and charting an all new course for the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise.
5. “Anvil! The Story of Anvil”: Calling this hard-rock doc a “real life ‘Spinal Tap’” isn’t inaccurate, but it doesn’t quite do the movie justice. In following the members of this aging metal band as they continue to follow their dreams, “Anvil” is funny, yes, but also undeniably moving.
4. “Inglourious Basterds”:Once upon a time, in Nazi-occupied France … and with that title card, Quentin Tarantino creates an alternate reality WWII, in which a team of Jewish-American soldiers sets out to take as many Nazi scalps as they can, and a young Jewish woman uses her love for cinema to exact her own revenge against the Third Reich. It’s a wonderfully self-indulgent celebration of Tarantino’s own film fetishes, his gift for dialogue and his to-hell-with-history script.
3. “Up”: Pixar knocks another one out of the park. Gorgeous animation, a great turn by Ed Asner as the voice of the cantankerous widower Carl, a witty script that hits every emotional high and low right on the head, and the greatest talking dog ever.
2. “Where the Wild Things Are”: Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s tale is only a few sentences long, so director Spike Jonze had his work cut out for him adapting it into a live-action film. And he did it by making a film for adults about childhood that uses Sendak’s story to create a vision that’s faithful to the source material but wholly original at the same time. I loved every moment of this movie, from Max Records’ performance as the imaginative young boy who becomes king of the wild things, the voicework by James Gandolfini, Forest Whitaker, Catherine O’Hara and others, and the note-perfect soundtrack by Karen O.
1. “The Brothers Bloom”: Writer/director Rian Johnson — who also made 2006’s “Brick,” another great movie — has visual style to spare, and there are nice turns by stars Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo and Rachel Weisz. But more than anything I’m a big fan of good storytelling, and this tale of con men brothers, the quirky heiress who becomes their mark and their globe-trotting adventure had me from the first frame through the story’s final bit of sleight of hand.
And, the five worst:
5. “The Box”: Great little Richard Matheson story turned into a terribly muddled mess by director Richard Kelly. 4. “Terminator Salvation”: It was mediocre at best, until a climax hinged on a battlefield heart transplant by a character who used to be a veterinarian toppled it over the edge. 3. “Knowing”: As in, I am not knowing how Nicolas Cage could sink much further than this dreck. 2. “Orphan”: Worst plot twist ever. 1. “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”: Soulless and stupid, millions spent on blowing things up and making Megan Fox glisten with sweat in nearly every frame, and not a drop of real entertainment value to be found anywhere.
When I heard that the Travel Channel was going to be filming next month at Chicken Annie’s and Chicken Mary’s in Pittsburg, Kan., I immediately had an image of “Man v. Food” host Adam Richman gorging on piles of tasty chicken breasts, fried to perfection.
Alas, that’s not the case.
The new, as-yet-unnamed show will spotlight the history and rivalry between the two Southeast Kansas restaurants, and will air sometime in 2010.
Marjorie Hall, the manager of program publicity for the Travel Channel, told me that the show will feature “iconic spots” that travelers shouldn’t miss.
“It will get into what makes these places so fantastic that locals will swear by them,” Hall said.
Production crews will be filming at Chicken Mary’s and Chicken Annie’s on Jan. 15-17. The show will include a “taste-off”, and owners of both restaurants said they want to be packed with passionate fans, so if you’ve got a preference, mark your calendar.
Make no mistake — NBC’s “The Sing Off” is a slapdash reality show, hastily thrown together to capitalize on the success of the Fox series “Glee.” It exists for no other reason.
From the wooden delivery by host Nick Lachey (listen to his cringe-worthy faux seriousness when he announces the departing group’s “swan song” each night), to the dubious inclusion of Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger as a judge, it takes a cappella music — often derided as nerdy or uncool — and drenches it in schlocky production values that won’t do anything to raise its coolness factor.
As for the groups themselves, it’s hard to believe that they represent the best that a cappella has to offer — though Tufts University’s Beelzebubs are pretty great.
The sole bright spot of the show is judge Ben Folds. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a fan of the highly underrated singer/songwriter, but because he’s one of the few people I’ve seen on a musical reality show that brings any sort of knowledgeable and helpful criticism to the table.
Scherzinger and Boys II Men member Shawn Stockman do their best “American Idol” judge impressions, but when Folds speaks, it becomes painfully obvious that he’s the only one there who knows his stuff when it comes to music and offering constructive criticism. It helps that he has a love for the genre, having worked with college groups around the country to put together an a cappella greatest hits album earlier this year.
Having invested two nights in it, I’ll probably see the weeklong series through to the end. It mainly proves that these slapdash knockoffs are never a good idea. Had producers jettisoned the “Idol” format and had Folds working directly with the groups, though, “Sing Off” could have hit some high notes.
One of my favorite (fictitious) legal defenses comes courtesy of an episode of “South Park,” in which Chef’s lawsuit is nearly derailed by some brilliant lawyering by Johnnie Cochran.
In presenting his “Chewbacca defense” for the jury, Cochran says:
“Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.”
Of course, truth is always stranger than fiction, and now Neosho City Manager Jan Blase brings us “the mold defense.”
Which basically says: “Some hinky stuff might have been done with the state’s money, but don’t blame me. It was all these mold spores I’ve had to breathe. They clouded my judgment.”
Well played, sir. Well played.
If that doesn’t work, there’s always the Twinkie defense, or the tried and true “It wasn’t me, it was the one-armed man” excuse.
